March 15, 2019: Active Rest

Resting is a difficult concept; at least for me. I’m taking this Friday off from climbing even though I normally like to workout at my gym three times a week. It’s tough to do this because I have to actively force myself to rest.

I’m sequestering myself for two reasons. The first is my manager took a vacation, so I had to cover for them during the week. The second is I was summoned and selected for jury duty.

Let me just say jury duty is important, but it’s important in the way taking out the garbage or doing the dishes is important. It needs to be done, but unless you’re of a very small percentage of people, you don’t want to do it. Every assumption you have about jury duty is true. It’s a Kafkaesque nightmare of tedium, where the jury pool’s emotions range from apathetic annoyance to irate indignation. Statistically if you are selected for a jury, you won’t hear something exciting or interesting. You’ll listen to a grubby little case for a grubby little law, and afterwards you’ll come to decision that creates one more statistic for the government. You’ll get the thanks of the court and a certificate for being an instrument of a system that somehow you have less faith in.

For most people, jury duty is an inconvenience. I, being an introvert, find sitting two days in a room with 11 strangers who actively don’t want to be there emotionally taxing. So I’m taking a break, and my body is agreeing with me. I’m coming down with a cold and gaining weight. Editing my novel feels like scraping my brain on concrete. Everything is telling me that rest is the best course of action.

Yet in the back of my mind, there’s this twinge. I’m familiar with it. It’s the twinge that equates busyness with productivity. It’s the twinge that says unless I am constantly doing something, my worth as a human being is null and void.

I have had times in my life where I’ve tried to do 20 things at once and been bad at all of them. And after the inevitable emotional breakdown, I have had weeks where I’ve lain on the couch, ate Doritos, and watched other people play videogames on YouTube. Neither of those extremes is very fun, and I am old enough now to know one inevitably leads to the other.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve struggled to find a middle ground. That’s what draws me to climbing. It’s a sport that rewards resting and patience, things that don’t naturally come to me. I know it’s weird to like something you’re not good at, but I enjoy the challenge.

When I first started out, I’d send easy projects way to quickly, and after ten minutes I’d pump out my forearms to the point where I was unable to form a fist. Experience has taught me that I need to take it slow, and know when to rest. Because resting in itself is a skill, and I’m still struggling to find the right method of rest.

In the past resting constituted playing video games, watching obscene amounts of television, and eating junk food. Yet now those actives drain more energy than they restore. I still haven’t found a good way to relax. Right now I’m taking up meditating and reading, and I admit they’re having a better impact on my body and mind. I’m actually reading a book on training for climbing.

The point is: recovery is just as important as any other activity that I use to make myself better. The act of resting is a skill. It’s the skill of ignoring the little twinge in the back of my head.