February 15, 2019: Children are the worst.


The worst thing about a climbing gym is the children. Whenever I get done with a climb, whenever I have struggled and willed myself to the top of the wall and am grabbing a drink of water and feeling good about myself, I always look back and see some little child doing the same climb I've just done. My sense of accomplishment fades as I see these little bastards, who just outgrew larva stage, nimbly move from hold to hold without any difficulty and reach the top in half the time it took me. Then they descend and look at me with bored disdain. If I wouldn't immediately go to jail, I'd grab one of these little urchins and scream, "YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME? JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE IN YOUR LATE TWENTIES AND WEIGH 215 POUNDS!"

The second worst thing about a climbing gym is all the beautiful people. I've been going to my gym for over a month, and I have yet to see a single ugly person. It's as though I've walked into an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue. Regardless of age or ethnicity, they're all gorgeous. And unlike other gyms where the "hot" people are mean or arrogant, all of these people are so nice. It's utterly revolting

There are so many reasons why I shouldn't be a climber, but the main one I can think is that I'm far too bitter. And what I've learned in my month of doing this is that this sport is not made for bitterness nor aggression. To even call it a sport seems wrong. It's more meditative than that. It is a workout, but it require more thought than you would think. A good wall is like a puzzle. It requires letting go of your ego, because if you come in with the wrong mindset you've already been defeated. It requires patience and clear thinking. It also require stubbornness, which luckily I have in spades.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

April 12, 2019: April Cruelty Part 2: My Abdominal Workout

Image
  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I do my abdominal workouts. Not because I want a six-pack, but because a strong core is essential for any athletic endeavor. I like this routine because it doesn’t take too much time. At most it’s sixteen minutes a day. I’ve purchased a medicine ball and a training mat for these exercises, but they’re not really necessary. There is a minute rest between each exercise. 1.      Medicine ball Russian Twists —2 minutes   2.    Medicine ball leg suspension—1 minute 3.      Medicine ball l eg lifts —1 minute 4.      Scissor kicks—1minute  5.      Bicycle kicks—1 Minute 6.      Side forearm planks—1 minute each side 7.      Medicine ball crunches—2 minutes. No fuss, no frills, it’s pretty easy to execute and doesn’t take that much time and it’s good for core strength.
Read more

April 5, 2019: April Cruelty Part 1: My Climbing Workout

Image
T.S. Elliot called April the cruelest month. So far I have to agree. I have been incredibly busy these past couple of days. The main reason is I’ve been editing the final draft of my book, trying to polish it before submitting to agents in May. This has kept me busy along with my actual paying job. It’s been tough to find time to climb. But I’ve managed to find a way, and I’ve developed some workout I like. So for the rest of April I’m going to give descriptions of the various workouts I go through. This will be a break from otherwise in depth and thoughtful (haha) commentary. BRYAN’S CLIMBING WORKOUT: Pre- Workout : I cycle to my gym. I.                Warm-up A.      5 minutes of cardio, usually cycling on a stationary bike. B.      Stretching. i.                 Piriformis s...
Read more

March 29, 2019: Climbing Class Part 1: It's the legs, dummy

Image
My body aches as I extend from the wall, trying to hold as much weight as I can with my skeleton instead of my biceps. I take a deep breath and slowly place my foot on the next hold.             “Nice move,” says Joe. “Remember to keep those feet quiet.”             What he means is that I shouldn’t stomp my foot on a hold, like I often do when I’m desperate to prevent myself from falling. Joe is the instructor of the class I’m taking at my gym: “Movement for Beginners.” If you want to know what Joe looks like, picture the first image that pops into your head when you read, “Arizona hippy,” and you’re probably right. The purpose of the class, amazingly enough, is to teach beginners how to climb properly. Since I’ve only been climbing since January, I’m still a beginner. A rock climbing training book I’m reading says you can’t really call yourself ...
Read more